The 10 commandments according to Jose Mourinho
- Grace M.
- Oct 16, 2017
- 2 min read
And Jose Mourinho came down from Porto to Chelsea, carrying with him his tactical brilliance and glowing under the flash of Roman Abramovich's oil-money.
He looked down at the Mortals of EPL and saw gods, worshipped for decades competing to improve and break records and he was like woooooo, mortals. Hoisted in the EPL pinnacle he saw Sir Alex Fergusson, Scottish and grandfatherly leading the Charge of the Red Devils. And Mourinho looked at Old Trafford, with its legacy and history, its 750Million following around the world. Mourinho fell in love.
Another flag was flying in his neighbourhood, another old man: a Frenchman who was coming off a high of leading the newly minted 'Invincibles'. The Special One looked down from under the Bridge and challenged Le Professor to 'hood rights. It is reported that Wenger, upon seeing this new manger whom he could have almost signed up spluttered, pouted and vowed to defeat him with beautiful football.
Meanwhile, Mourinho was unveiled, partly smiling, partly pained by the obvious questions, he decided to keep it straight: He was no longer Jose Mourinho. He was not that guy. It was from then that he became known as the Special One.
And it is from that day that The Special One created these Ten Commandments by which we all judge, sorry, which we all observe about him.
1. Thou shall not go more than 2 seasons without winning a trophy, or shall hence be called a Specialist in failure.
2. Thou shall not sign players in the last minute of summer, especially major ones, for they shall go to other 'serious' teams you will be forced to complain about the inflated fees and you shall hence be called 'Mr. Could've signed Cristiano."
3. Thou shall not Pander to the fans with pretty football and thrillers every given match-day, or thou shall never win the League. Being Barcelona-lite is simply that, -lightweight.
4. Remember thy Press and pander to them; they will eat it up and give you press conferences, and then your players shall be left all alone.
5. Play Mind games. This is football. That is why we invented crying in the toilet.
6. You should know people, like Super Agent Jorge Mendez; the Fax Machine will not always save you, plus they have emails and shit nowadays.
7. You shall not lose - play for draws if you have to. Also, #Blame the ref. No need to berate your players before the press, again, remember number 4.
8. Build you team from the back, have your favourites and let the minions compete for like 4 spots. It will make them hungry, desperate and eager to please. #Whoisyourdaddy?
9. You shall not remain in a team for more than 3 seasons: it becomes toxic and like toxic and then people learn your moves and try to counter. No, move it, someone else needs you, already.
10. Remember to win. To keep it dirty or clean or fast or tactical or lethal or spiritual or park the bus or the bus is parked or else, just win.
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